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4. 1950s
5. 1953

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January 1 - December 31, 1953

(Box 5/Folder 5)

 

January 1, 1953

This was a nice bright day, but turning cloudy. I sent out the rest of my belated Xmas [Christmas] letters. It makes me sad in starting this new book to think that my dear mother will not be with me when it is finished. But she is better all the time. Has even been in her right mind of nights the past week. Last Sat. P.M. was the last time she was seriously “off”.

 

January 2, 1953

Library closed today. I let Mrs. G do the work while I attended to correspondence at home, then went down town & got my car tag & drivers’ license, bought belated Xmas [Christmas] presents, and stocked up on groceries. Lovely bright day. But why doesn’t it rain.

 

January 3, 1953

Beautiful bright day. I took Mother for another drive thought I think she is hardly strong as she was when I took her before Dr. Chapman, fine fellow that he is, was here and he picked her up in his arms and carried her out and set her in the car. When she came back, he reversed the process.

 

January 4, 1953

I got hardly any sleep at all last night, but I had planned to go to Marshall so went anyhow. After this I shall have my S.S. class. I enjoyed the little visit thoroughly. Mrs. Gordon stayed with Mother. I left at 8:30, called on Mrs. Baugh & Mrs. Hawkins & went to church. Got back at 1:15. Very tired.

 

January 5, 1953

I was so tired all day I had to have rest – was afraid I might collapse [smudged] some way. (I was up fourteen times [smudged] besides no sleep at all much of the night before.) So I asked Mrs. Gordon to stay with Mother and I will sleep at the other Gordons. Mother was very unwilling but after working with her half an hour or more I got her consent.

 

January 6, 1953

I slept from 7 P.M. to 7 A.M.  – the only real rest I have had for six months. I hope now I can keep going for quite a while. The lab. technician gave mother a blood and urine test. Both O.K. I know Mrs. Gordon did not give Mother the constant attention I do but I couldn’t go any more.

 

January 7, 1953

Last night Mother got me up only 5 times. I feel wonderful today and so does she – more like herself than she has been for months. I can’t understand it. I have had a suspicion that this trouble she has at night is psychological rather than physical. Can it be the fact that I left her one night has operated on her subconscious to change things.

 

January 8, 1953

Another good night. I wonder if taking that one night off has caused her to quiet down. She does not consciously get me up unnecessarily, but sub-consciously perhaps she does. Mrs. Garrett & Kathleen called this evening – the first company we have had for a long time. Mother so bright and witty.

 

January 9, 1953

We were up only five times last night. Mother is fine today and I am so rested. I am hoping our night troubles are over. We are having lovely bright weather – none of that moisture we need so badly.

 

January 10, 1953

The proofs of my index came. I corrected them and sent them back. Nice bright day as usual. Mother is really gaining this week since she does not have to wear herself (and me) out going to the bathroom so often. Lovely day.

 

January 11, 1953

Such a happy day. The students are back so I taught my S.S. [Sunday School, used throughout] class. There were 43. They are so fine I always return home uplifted after teaching them. Then Mother has been her old self all day, and I did so enjoy the day with her. It was a lovely warm day and I took her driving to Perkins and across the river. It did not tire her at all.

 

January 12, 1953

They started moving the library today. Really warm day. Mother is really gaining. But last night she was up and restless so much she tired me out. I can hardly do my work today. I hardly see how she can gain when her rest is so disturbed. (Of course it has never got as bad as it was before I spent the night at Ellen Gordon’s a week ago.

 

January 13, 1953

Really warm day. Mother had a very restless night but we slept after 4 o’clock, and somehow that rest did me much good. I felt well and worked well today. But the doctor is going to try a new sedative. I got the prescription and will try it tonight.

 

January 14, 1953

Warm again. I am getting too narrowed in my thinking – just how sleepy I am each day, or how many times I had to get up. I must try to shake out of the daily responsibility.

 

January 15, 1953

The wind changed suddenly last night and came roaring around the house. It quieted down somewhat by morning but has been cold all day. This evening Mrs. G stayed with mother and I went to Pi Gamma Mu initiation and dinner. Got back at nine (very cold night). Had fine time.

 

January 16, 1953

Cloudy morning. Snowed much of afternoon. Ground covered nicely this evening. In some parts of the state it sleeted, but not here. Big soft flakes – some of them huge – like snowballs falling from the sky.

 

January 17, 1953

Bright day – cold this morning but melted much snow this P.M. There was about 2 in. this morning. It must have snowed a good bit during the night. Exactly the right kind for wheat – soft, warm, perfectly even.

 

January 18, 1953

Warm day. Snow started melting early. Much of it gone. Mother passed a good night  - felt fine today, and I am not tired at all. I taught my S.S. class. (Bless them!) Had 42 in spite of the fact that next week is finals. Enjoyed the quiet day with Mother.

 

January 19, 1953

More snow melting. Most of it is gone now. Too bad we didn’t get more. It was cloudy part of the day. All last week they have been moving the library – documents and catalogue are gone now – perhaps other branches I haven’t seen.

 

January 20, 1953

Bright warm day. I knocked off my writing at 10:3 11:15 so I could listen to the inauguration. It was a moving experience. I didn’t vote for Tru Eisenhauer [sic], but the democratic process is a profoundly moving thing.

 

January 21, 1953

[No entry]

 

January 22, 1953

Our beloved Grace Goodman came with Marilyn and family for a brief visit. Marilyns children are lovely – bright and sweet & affectionate (except the baby girl who slept the whole time – 2 mo. old) Jimmie is such a fine handsome young fellow and so devoted to the children. It is good to see Marilyn so happily married. She is a wonderful girl.

 

January 23, 1953

The wedding day of my beloved Chan Duel & Marilyn Curry. They started moving my maps to the new library today – moved two of the ten cases. It seems wonderful to be moving, but there seems to be no way of doing it without serious damage to the maps. That spoils my pleasure. It snowed during the night – I suppose about 3 or 4 in., but drifted badly. Most of it melted when the sun came out that P.M.

 

January 24, 1953

Warm bright day. More snow went – fast. I spent the morning straightening out the maps they moved. They decided not to finish for a time.

 

January 25, 1953

I didn’t go to church – never do any more – and did not teach my S.S. class because the students are home. This P.M. I helped some in the map moving. They finished today – a big job. The crews are working hard moving the books from the Quonset – hope to be all done when school starts Wed.

 

January 26, 1953

Mrs. Gordon couldn’t be here today – couldn’t be helped, but I needed her badly. I dashed down town this forenoon and did some necessary things returning in the middle to see if Mother was O.K. Worked at the library the same way this P.M. dashing home at intervals. How wonderful to be actually working in the new bldg.. Hot day. Really hot.

 

January 27, 1953

We had a staff meeting in the lovely council room. It gave me a real lift. I worked all day in the new building. The maps were disarranged and damaged some. The cases are so big and heavy they couldn’t be brought up the elevator except by standing them on end. I spent the day straightening them out.

 

January 28, 1953

The new semester started today and the students came trooping back. All day they streamed through the new library. Bless them! They have needed it so badly. Not all the moving is done, but it is open for business at the new stand.

 

January 29, 1953

Warm lovely day. The students are settling down to happy work in their convenient location. And visitors stream through. This afternoon Ruth Hammond brought a visitor through the map dept., and it turned out to be Lida Barr, whom I knew when we were graduate students at OU. I was glad to see her.

 

January 30, 1953

This weather is almost hot – sunny and lovely. I am still very happy over my work in the new place. I am having many more customers, and am able to serve them better except that it will take some weeks to unscramble the maps mixed in moving. This is my lamented birthday.

 

January 31, 1953

Bright and warm. I went down town bareheaded and no wrap. I bought me some very fancy flat boxcars of shoes with rubber soles. They feel like nothing at all on my feet and look not half bad. I need them on those tiled floors of the new library. They cost $7.95 Mr. Williams, our pastor, called on me at the office this morning.

 

February 1, 1953

Another beautiful warm day. I taught my S.S. class – 43, and they are so fine. The rest of the day I worked taking care of my mother, cooking the meals, etc.

 

February 2, 1953

These days are so warm I go bareheaded and coatless to my work in the afternoons. A coat is needed some in the morning. We had a meeting in the council room while Mr. Low is in Chicago and planned on buying him a present.

 

February 3, 1953

Another unseasonably warm day. There are even ants in the kitchen. They never hibernated apparently. We talked more about Mr. Low’s present. We want something for his office in the new building.

 

February 4, 1953

Written later.

 

I do not know when it was that it began to dawn on me the Mother’s mind was not improving as her body did. I asked the doctor if it was her diabetes (in which case she would soon be herself) or her arteries. He said arteries and [continued on February 5, 1953 entry.

 

February 5, 1953

that she would get progressively worse. I had been so happy over her recovery but this spoiled it. I shall salvage whatever comfort I can out of her best times.

 

February 6, 1953

I believe this was the evening – I neglected to make entry – when Roy and Pat Beeby called. Roy is a wonderful boy, and he has won a sweet fine girl for his wife. I got a girl to work for me – a freshman, Ruby Eggers.

 

February 7, 1953

Still hot weather. And I am still enjoying the work in the lovely new building.

 

February 8, 1953

The day was so warm I wore a wool dress to church without a coat – noticed several others did the same. My S.S. class was smaller than usual – youngsters apparently went home. We listened to a fine sermon on the radio at 11, by the Presbyterian minister, Mr. Hage.

 

February 9, 1953

Ruby Eager started working for me today. She is a slim, graceful, neat and [deft?]. I am sure she is intelligent and sweet and willing. Cloudy all day – raining a little. Still warm.

 

February 10, 1953

It really rained this afternoon – fairly poured, and a little hard pellets of sleet were mixed with it but no ice on the ground. It has been cloudy and raining a little all day. Rather chilly but not downright cold. Just now it started raining hard again.

 

February 11, 1953

I neglected to make entry but if I remember rightly it cleared off after yesterday’s good rain. It never turned really cold though the rain did make it cooler.

 

February 12, 1953

I drove to Marshall this morning to get two citations I received at different times to use as model in preparing one the president wants to give Gaylord of the Okla. Pub. Co. It was sunny but crispy. I got my car a little muddy on the ten dirt miles on 51. I visited briefly with Mrs. Hawkins. Poor little thing! Her arthritis is much worse.

 

February 13, 1953

Mother had a badly disturbed spell last night. In fact she raved like some stranger I had never seen. I was up so much and was so distressed that I was very tired – had a hard time getting through my work. My little Ruby is fine.

 

February 14, 1953

It rained a little early this morning, then cleared off with big soft clouds and golden sunshine and blue sky. I took Mother for a drive and we went to Yale. The elm trees are in bloom, and the pastures very faintly green. This has been a warm winter. The hedges have never lost their leave – neither have other shrubs. Even the ants have run around all winter.

 

February 15, 1953

I taught my S.S. class. Did the housework and took care of Mother the rest of the day. The tulips, iris, and Madonna lilies around the porch are up three or four inches. This has been a wonderful winter. Also the lilacs are putting out green leaves.

 

February 16, 1953

Put on wrong page. [Entry crossed out]

The big day. Our library staff has had several conspiratorial meetings, buying a super waste basket (price $75, but cost us 56.50) Mr. Low’s new office and planning a party for this evening. Elizabeth T. & a committee planned a fine dinner with flowers and candles in the lovely staff room. 19 of us were there plus Mr. & Mrs. Low. It was a happy occasion. He was completely surprised & greatly pleased.

 

February 17, 1953

Mrs. Gordon took care of Mother. I had a nice trip to the city with the Louie Sandersons. Had two hours’ visit with Dorothy Holcomb. Then went to the Quota Club dinner. I spoke to them about the part women  played in early Okla. Then they gave me a plaque – very lovely walnut and metal – as Woman of the Year or something. They are a lovable group. Got back at midnight.

 

February 18, 1953

President Willham needed some information for a speech on early day A.&M. it was my job to get it in shape so I worked pretty hard. He needs it tomorrow evening. Very high wind – dust storm over much of state, with great damage to wheat.

 

February 19, 1953

It rained today, but not much water fell. Tonight it is thundering and the radio warns of severe thunder storms, hail, and in the south central part of the state possible tornadoes. I finished the job for the president.

 

February 20, 1953

High cold wind. In fact it blows so strong one can hardly fight one’s way across the campus against it. I am sure it has done great damage to the wheat. I sent an ultimatum to the editor of the O.C. Times. They have been paying me for my column, but not publishing them regularly. I need the money, but it is against my principles to write to no purpose.

 

February 21, 1953

Cold this morning, warming up later. Nothing in particular happens. Mother is about the same, very restless & difficult at night and lovable but slightly confused by day. I work at the college and come home to care for her and that is all. I am standing it O.K.

 

February 22, 1953

I saw a June bug today. He was dead. Probably got caught in last week’s cold – but the wonder is that he was around so early. I went to S.S. and taught my class – only 30 odd today – spent the rest of the day in housework and taking care of Mother. Bright warmish day.

 

February 23, 1953

The big day! Our library staff has had several conspiratorial meetings buying a super waste basket (price $75, but cost us 56.50 – all brass & copper) for Mr. Low’s new office, and planning a party for this evening. Elizabeth T. & a committee planned a fine dinner with flowers & candles in our lovely staff room. All 19 of us were there, plus Mr. & Mrs. Low. It was a happy occasion. He completely surprised to find he was guest of honor & greatly pleased with the gift.

 

February 24, 1953

When I woke this morning the ground was covered with soft wet snow. It melted off during the day. My copies of The Cowman’s SW came today. I hurried to get half of them off to Mr. Nelson. I am so glad he will get to see it during his life. He is 91. It is a beautiful book the most beautiful format of any of my books. I am a little sorry the price is so high.

 

February 25, 1953

Today I had the pleasure of laying an autographed copy of my book on Mr. Low’s desk. (This evening he called me and told me how pleased he was.) Then this P.M. I went over to Pres Willham’s office and gave hime [sic] one. He was very pleased, too. He is a fine man – the very best choice they could have made after Dr. Bennett’s death.

 

February 26, 1953

I went over to the studio to take part in a recording the radio students make every week to be used Sat. on KSPI. My part is not very bright & shining but the rest of the program is O.K. Next a college photographer came to take a picture of the map dept. He stuck me in too conspicuously – I wanted to feature the map cases – but I hope the general effect is O.K.

 

February 27, 1953

Grace Hammond brought Mother some lovely daffodils and spent the A.M. with her. The dr. also came to see her today – will try new medicine to dilate the blood vessels so nourishment can get to her brain. I am afraid it is a desperate gamble, else there would not be so many old people in mental hospitals. I got no answer from the editor of the O.C. Times but the column appeared regularly this week. That must mean go ahead.

 

February 28, 1953

I talked to Mr. Corfield today – pried into his private affairs, but I think he was glad I did. The head of his department is very superficial in his scholarship & is jealous of him. I have never seen a professor so greatly appreciated by his students as Mr. Corfield is. I have felt for a long time his tenure was in danger and now it has happened. The man has managed to worm him out of his place.

 

February 29, 1953

Mother rave in

Next week is Religious Emphasis Week on the campus. One of the speakers is Dr. H.E. Gossard. As a young prof he and his charming wife taught the Methodist students when I was a freshman at OU. I have not seen him since – saw her twice.

 

March 1, 1953

Mother raved most of the night last night, and is confused in her mind today. I fear the new medicine is having the wrong effect. It rained hard from about 2 A.M. to about 9 – most rain since a year ago. I did not go to S.S. – could not leave Mother – fortunately did not have to teach because a Religious Emphasis Week speaker talked to all the classes. I talked on the phone to Dr. Gossard.

 

March 2, 1953

Warm day – as all the days are. Dr. Morris of the OU geography dept. is here. He is fine, a former A.&M. student. Mother had another bad night, and is very confused today.

 

March 3, 1953

Heard fine talk to faculty by Jerry Voreis

Grace Hammond visited Mother again. I showed Dr. Gossard over the library. He is surprisingly unchanged. He tells me they are living in Santa Fe. A hard shower came up about 2 A.M. with thunder & lightning – rained till after 8 – then off and on during the day. It is wonderful to find the drouht [sic] broken. I talked with the dr. He says it is not the medicine but the progress of the disease that is working on Mother’s mind.

 

March 4, 1953

Froze ice last night. Clear and warming up today. Luella Reeves sent me a dollar to get Mother a bunch of violets or sweet peas or something else. The violets are out in the yard, the sweet peas at the florists were not good so I got some baby snap dragons – 3 yellow, 3 red. She is so pleased.

 

March 5, 1953

Religious Emphasis Week ended today. I walked with Dr. Gossard over to the last assembly. On the way back to the library I was hurrying and fell flat – knocked a big piece of skin off my knee. It doesn’t  hurt so badly as one would think. Very warm day.

 

March 6, 1953

I went to Guthrie on the bus to take care of homestead exemption. Got through so soon I stepped in to Lintz’s and brought a dressy dress. Pink lace trimmed with red velvet, flaring skirt, very becoming. Cost $32.50, which sets a record for me. Hot day.

 

March 7, 1953

Nothing in particular happened. It was colder today. My knee is not troubling me as much as one would think. I must learn not to walk so fast. I am having too many falls the last year or so.

 

March 8, 1953

Warm day, getting cloudy in P.M. (The faucet sweat more than I ever saw it before.) I taught my S.S. class. Stayed home the rest of the day.

 

March 9, 1953

Rained a little in the night, misty today. Trees faintly green – leaves on willow, seeds on elm – and red leaves coming out on apples. The weeds are springing up all over.

 

March 10, 1953

More slight rain in night, threatening during the day. Mabel Bryson and Dorothy Fleet came to see me and I took them over the new library. How I love them both! Dorothy – bless her – seems as cheerful and happy as ever, though I know her heart is broken.

 

March 11, 1953

I attended a meeting of the Social Science Faculty Club this evening while Mrs. G. stayed with Mother. I had a hard time sitting there and the program was lost on me. I am getting too tired – a little worse after each night of responsibility and broken rest.

 

March 12, 1953

I am so tired tonight. I am close to the edge. I am beginning to wonder how I can keep on. Mother has two serious disturbed spells every night – an hour after going to bed, and about three. I work with her for hours each time besides getting up to help her turn over, go to the bathroom, etc. the rest of the time.

 

March 13, 1953

Last night while I was working with Mother – it was about 5 A.M. after a sleepless night – I went to pieces and burst out crying. She quieted down instantly and went to sleep, and so did I – till the alarm went off at 6:30. But I am having a hard time keeping up today.

 

March 14, 1953

I was up most of the night again last night Was cheerful and patient all the time, but this forenoon when I tried to work I found myself dangerously tired. I staggered home – weighed and measured lunch and thought I would sleep all P.M. since it was Sat. Mrs. G. does not stay Sat. P.M.s. And I did sleep two hours and Mother woke me – was afraid it would hurt me to sleep too long. Poor little confused thing! I am pretty tired tonight.

 

March 15, 1953

I slept in my own bed last night – first time for months. Was so tired I had to. And Mother let me sleep. I was up only a few times, for necessary attention. Woke rested! Taught my S.S. class. This P.M. I was going to sleep some more, but had a very pleasant surprise. Mrs. Congdon and Letha (beautiful Letha) came and spent the P.M. with us. Letha will be married April 5.

 

March 16, 1953

I slept in my own bed again last night, and woke completely rested. My getting so completely worn out seems to have created an impression on my mother’s pitiably confused mind. She lets me sleep. I get up only a few times a night.

 

March 17, 1953

We had a very hard rain at noon. I got pretty wet, but it didn’t hurt me. The pear trees are in full bloom.

 

March 18, 1953

I am still sleeping in my own bed. When Mother gets restless I am up for a time, but most of the time I sleep. And she lets me. Somehow it got across to her that I was near collapse. I am so thankful.

 

March 19, 1953

I was up several hours last night, but I hope it is just one isolated happening. Mother is not really better, is as confused by day. The doctor has discontinued the new medicine as a failure. He had her take a blood sugar test this morning.

 

March 20, 1953

The blood sugar test showed her sugar just where he wants it. He is a little blue about it for it puts her trouble on a hopeless basis – senility for which there is no cure. We got a fairly good rest last night, but it is pitiable to see her mind go.

 

March 21, 1953

I went down town this P.M. and got a present for Letha, who will be married on easter [sic]. Mother seems more like herself this evening that she has been for a long time.

 

March 22, 1953

I taught all the students (except the married ones) in one class this morning. Most of them are at a state Wesley Foundation meeting at O.U.

 

March 23, 1953

[No entry]

 

March 24, 1953

[No entry]

 

March 25, 1953

[No entry]

 

March 26, 1953

[No entry]

 

March 27, 1953

I am getting more sleep these nights and should be rested, but somehow I don’t spring back easily as I did at first. I am too tired to write in my diary – just go around in a daze about half-conscious.

 

March 28, 1953

The Wesley Foundation had a dinner and installation this evening. I got Mother to Mrs. G. to take care of Mother and I went. It was an inspiring occasion, but I am too numb to care. Got in early – only nine o’clock.

 

March 29, 1953

Nelle Thomas was in town – came with some friends yesterday evening. I took her to S.S. She enjoyed my sophomores, for she loves young people. Then she went to church while I came home, then went back & picked her up. She stayed to dinner & then I showed her the library. I love Nelle and these last years have been hard for her. Her husband died just 1 yr. ago today.

 

March 30, 1953

[No entry]

 

March 31, 1953

[No entry]

 

April 1, 1953

This is the last day of school before Easter vacation. My mother is definitely better at night – I don’t know why. And I don’t know why I am so tired. My nights now are comparatively easy. Mr. Low asked me to dinner tomorrow he is giving for Mrs. Stevenson of A.L.A. office.

 

April 2, 1953

I was up some last night, but should not be so exhausted. I drove to Marshall this morning & got my summer & spring hats. Too tired to work. Then Mr. L because I wanted to be rested for Mr. Low’s dinner I took the P.M. off too & tried to sleep in the Gordons’ house. Too nervous but did sleep 2 hrs. Managed to act fairly bright at dinner showing guests through library. Three of Tulsa group there.

 

April 3, 1953

Mr. Low had all the staff at a luncheon at Cliff’s for Mrs. S. I worked the rest of the day. It was a nice luncheon and I tried to keep up – think I managed O.K. I am not having bad nights – don’t know why I can’t rest. Light shower last night. Max Holloway is getting married today to Meredith Moss.

 

April 4, 1953

I was up only four times last night but wanted to sleep late & she got me up at 6. I should not be tired but I am. Slept four hours this P.M. but I am still tired. Will try to see Dr. Freed Mon. & see if there is anything wrong with me. Mother is definitely better at night – those nights of wild raving are over. I should be happy & rested instead of exhausted.

 

April 5, 1953

Easter Sunday but I didn’t go to church – didn’t have to teach because students are home. Slept till 8 – up only four times – but still tired. It rained all night – cloudy all day. Today is Letha’s wedding. If it hadn’t rained I had hoped we might go. There is no doubt that Mother is definitely better at night – she is never wild now.

 

April 6, 1953

I have wondered if I might be ill. I am so lightheaded and dizzy and my heart feels swollen even when I get a reasonable amount of sleep. So this P.M. I went to Perkins & had the dr. check me for blood pressure, heart, and kidneys. Perfect! He says I have just been tired too long – gave me a very mild sedative to give me as much sleep as possible. I was up 9 times last night & lay awake between times. The latter is unnecessary.

 

April 7, 1953

The students are back today. I am still tired. The sedative just made getting up during the night harder. But I’ll try it again. I slept, but my head ached and I feel lazy.

 

April 8, 1953

Wonderful sleep! Today, the first time for many weeks, my head is clear and I can think and work without fighting to keep going. Perhaps I shall manage after all. Took Mother for a drive this evening – first in many weeks.

 

April 9, 1953

Last night was a bad one, and I was tired all day. At 2 P.M. the Pattees, Al Juhlin, Marguerite Howland, and Helen Poulton drove to the City – visited the Made in Okla. show (disappointing) ate, then went to Hist. Bldg. auditorium where I spoke about Art, Music, & Lit. of Okla. I got along fairly well and enjoyed it. Got back at twelve.

 

April 10, 1953

Mother didn’t wake when I came in last night – got me up only once. So I slept more than usual (12:30 to 6:30) – not so tired as I was yesterday. I think the sedative I am taking is giving me greater value to the time I can spend in bed. I am beginning to hope we are going to get along better for a while.

 

April 11, 1953

(I believe it was Apr. 11 when we had a very light frost.)

I really rested last night. Nothing in particular happened. Trying to rain this evening.

 

April 12, 1953

The students were out on retreat planning their work for next year so I didn’t teach my S.S. class. Stayed at home all day – did the housework, took care of mother, even had a little leisure to read the paper.

 

April 13, 1953

Nothing in particular happened. I am getting good rest these nights. Mother is unquestionably better. I am so thankful.

 

April 14, 1953

Lida Barr and her sister-in-law, Mrs. Barr, came to see me. We had a very nice visit. Also a Methodist minister named Bartles, who is trying to find out how to manage the work at Cookson. It rained a little this evening.

 

April 15, 1953

Nothing in particular happened. I am rested today – was up only once last night – but Mother felt bad all day. It is so cold this evening I brought the oleanders in.

 

April 16, 1953

A group of Bldg. & Loan Assn. people came to visit the library. We divided them into thirds & Mr. Low and Alice Pattee and I guided them through. We have visitors all the time – people from all over the state flock to see it.

 

April 17, 1953

Nice warm day – so warm I went to work bareheaded & without a coat. When I got out at five it was terribly cold. People the change came at four. This evening it is sprinkling. I carried in the oleanders.

 

April 18, 1953

Last night from ten to eleven it rained and hailed – some lightning & considerable wind. This morning the hail still lay on the ground in a solid sheet of ice – the stones were not melted only flattened where they touched the warm ground. The blooming shrubs were frozen stiff. The sun came out & it melted except on the north side before noon.

 

April 19, 1953

Bright day – not too cold – didn’t quite frost last night. I taught my S.S. class. In the P.M. I went to a meeting of the Payne Co. Hist Soc. I couldn’t leave Mother long so went late – just in time for business meeting.

 

April 20, 1953

Marshall Woman’s Club came on tour of campus. I took them thru the library – then we ate together at the Student Union and I showed them high spots of the campus. I had a wonderful visit with them. In evening went to the Matrix dinner. Quite a day for me.

 

April 21, 1953

Got message from Mrs. Foreman by Frances Rosser Brown that the dear old man is dying. I am so sorry for his frail devoted wife. I sent her a telegram. She may read it – or may have her time and heart too full. Hot day.

April 22, 1953

Grant Foreman died yesterday. Some of us talked of going to the funeral, but couldn’t quite make our plans work. I will go over on the bus to see her a few days from now. That is better than going to the funeral. Hot day.

 

April 23, 1953

Hard showers most of the day. I hope it did not make Mrs. Foreman’s ordeal any harder. She has been in my thoughts all day.

 

April 24, 1953

[Entry crossed out]

I went to the Matrix table dinner of the woman’s journalistic honor society. Enjoyed it, but they do not have the kind of speakers they once did.

 

April 25, 1953

Okla. Library Assn. I went to Ponca with Ruth Hammond – forenoon and luncheon meeting. Saw may lovely Dorothy Fleet. That alone made the meeting worth while. The air was full of dust all day – high wind. This evening Mrs. Garrett & Kathleen came to visit us.

 

April 26, 1953

I taught my S.S. class this morning – spent the rest the day at home. Mother seems so sweet and like herself today.

 

April 27, 1953

Last night Mother didn’t wake me up once all night – the first time for many months. But she still has trouble remembering who I am, even in the day time. Anyhow I’m glad she is not wild at night as she was for so long.

 

April 28, 1953

I got a permanent – $7.50 – hope I am worth it. The good nights didn’t last – she was seriously disturbed last night. But she is not so wild as she once was.

 

April 29, 1953

I spoke to the Phi Alpha Theta, honorary history fraternity  at their initiation dinner. They were wonderful to me – gave me a corsage, and after the dinner they sent the centerpiece home to mother – 15 beautiful red roses. She was delighted – says it is the most beautiful bouquet she has ever seen in her whole life.

 

April 30, 1953

Neda Jarrett McLaurie whom I have not seen since we were in college together came to see me. She is a lovely woman – beautiful, gracious, serene. She & Finley have had a good life it is plain to see. She came with some high school band children. She plays the piano for them.

 

May 1, 1953

[No entry]

 

May 2, 1953

I left on 9 o’clock bus to Tulsa – spoke at Delta Kappa Gamma luncheon in Hotel Tulsa. It seemed to go off rather well. I enjoyed the fellowship with that fine group of teachers. In P.M. went out to Clinton home with Beulah & Mrs. Whitham – had fine visit – nice drive. Then Mrs. W. took the Clintons and me to a nice place for dinner I left at 7:30 – reached home at 10. Very pleasant day.

 

May 3, 1953

May 1

Nothing in particular happened today. Tomorrow I am going to Tulsa to speak to the Delta Kappa Gamma group, which has been so nice to me. I plan to ride the bus. Turned 2 pages – should be May 1.

 

May 4, 1953

Should be May 3 – turned 2 pages and filled May 3 page with May 1. I taught my S.S. class as usual. Am rather tired from my trip – and of course was up a great deal as usual during the night.

 

May 5, 1953

[No entry]

 

May 6, 1953

[No entry]

 

May 7, 1953

We are all looking forward to dedication of library tomorrow. Have made plans to have it look just right for visitors from all over U.S. will be there.

 

May 8, 1953

This is our big day. Library filled with distinguished librarians all morning – dedication in P.M. and more visitors. Carillon concert – very lovely. In evening we had inaugural banquet for Pres. Willham. Union ballroom packed (capacity 500) and overflow. Wonderful weather. The library looked lovely – flowers and spit and  polish.

 

May 9, 1953

Library dept. head (bless them!) sent Mother a beautiful floral piece for Mother’s day.

 

Pres. Willham was inaugurated today in very impressive ceremonies. Fine address by Reuben G. Gustavson. We all wore our caps & gowns. Weather warm and sunny but disagreeably windy. The inauguration took all the forenoon. I went back to the library in the P.M., but apparently all visitors left after luncheon.

 

May 10, 1953

Mother has been happy all day over her beautiful flowers – even more beautiful today than yesterday. I taught my S.S. class this morning – stayed at home and worked the rest of the day. I wanted to take Mother for a drive but she didn’t feel like it. There was nothing I could do for Mother’s Day but give her cup & saucer.

 

May 11, 1953

Nothing in particular happened. The Encyclopedia Americana wants me to write articles on Choctaws & Chickasaws. Wish I didn’t have to, but feel I should.

 

May 12, 1953

It rained twice last night. Mother has developed a real terror of storms. I got in bed with her, but she planned on how she could protect me against a tornado. Poor little helpless thing! It was cloudy today and very cold tonight – snowing in the Panhandle.

 

May 13, 1953

[No entry]

 

May 14, 1953

[No entry]

 

May 15, 1953

Beautiful gentle rain all night last night. I think it even rained on the drought-stricken parts of the state. Gladys Davis & Luella Reeves are coming to see us tomorrow. They are coming (bless them!) because they are worried about our problem, I am sure.

 

May 16, 1953

Gladys and Luella got here the middle of the forenoon, having got as far as Watonga last night. They are wonderful people. They say I am wrong in keeping Mother’s condition secret. Gladys says she will take care of her a week next summer & Flora Foreman sent the same offer in case I have to have rest. I may not need them but I am so very grateful. And I am going to take their advice about telling my friends.

 

May 17, 1953

The girls went to S.S. with me & then started back. Such a long drive just to see how I was getting along. Bless them! In the P.M. the Leakes came for a brief visit. I was so glad to see them. I am very tired. The girls stayed at the Student Union and made no work but Mother had a bad night last night. It rained some during the night I think.

 

May 18, 1953

This week I am working on the “Chickasaw” and “Choctaw” articles for the Ency. Americana. But I am so tired.

 

May 19, 1953

[No entry]

 

May 20, 1953

[No entry]

 

May 21, 1953

Mrs. Gordon’s daughter in Tulsa is having an operation so she had to leave. Of course I told her we’d manage but it did seem a problem. However I got Mrs. Nottingham. She will start tomorrow.

 

May 22, 1953

Mrs. N. came – very willing, but of course everything is new to her. I was so tired from a sleepless night I had to stay home from the library, go over to the Gordons & sleep. Woke rested & went to Phi Kappa Phi initiation and dinner. (I was initiated) Very hot day.

 

May 23, 1953

Terribly hot day. I got my Americana articles finished.

 

May 24, 1953

Very bad night but I slept some this P.M. Went to baccalaureate service – fine sermon by McFerrin Stowe. I got a chance to talk with my fine boys Roy Beeby & Chas. Sigler (bless them) in their caps & gowns. Very hot day.

 

May 25, 1953

Commencement – I saw Roy Beeby & his lovely Pat, Chas. Sigler, and my dear little Marilyn Curry Duel get their diplomas. Very fine address by Pres. Harrington, Texas A.&M. Terribly hot day. I managed to get some sleep last night   - feel rested. John Gingerich & the Hastings called.

 

May 26, 1953

Terribly hot day. I packed in morning – worked in library in P.M. Mrs. Nottingham is very willing and a great help. Course everything is strange to her.

 

May 27, 1953

Not so hot. Mother all at once perked up and said she wanted a permanent. Alice Elliott was so good she came and gave it at the house in the P.M. I packed in the morning – worked at library in afternoon. Ora Kelley will help me take care of Mother in Marshall.

 

May 28, 1953

Finished packing easily, thanks to Mrs. N. – left at 1. Found regular hot winds up on the prairie. Found 3½ ft water in the cellar – had it turned on yesterday & a place was left open when plumber fixed it for winter last fall, so all went under the house & in the cellar. Dashed around & got Mr. Hale to shut it off – borrowed a pump at the elevator & he started emptying it.

 

May 29, 1953

Ora Keller stayed with Mother when I went to alumni meetings. Mr. Hale finished pumping out the cellar – then emptied all the fruit jars, etc. that were floating around & carried the last water up by buckets. Charged only $6. But this kept me from any unpacking. In P.M. went to M.H.S. alumni business meeting, to dinner and first dance in evening. Saw people I was very glad to see, but so tired. Ralph & new wife. Elsie called.

 

May 30, 1953

I have gone without sleep so many nights, I am near the edge. Last night I was up nearly all night. I tried to unpack but could hardly collect my mind to do it. I got home at nine last night (Ora stayed with mother) but awake from then on. Allie and Lula with Margaret Ann & 2 of her sister’s granddaughters called. They report the cemetery in fine shape. I regretted that I was unable to decorate our graves.

 

May 31, 1953

Bad night – terribly tired. I didn’t go to church – unpacked a little, tho’ since it was Sunday I didn’t hurry. Some good friends came in P.M. (I’m making entry late – don’t remember why – too tired) – Claudia in evening. Terribly hot.

 

June 1, 1953

Ora Keller started in helping me – very fine. We put up bedding, took down stored unpacked boxes. I was up only four times last night – feel wonderful today. Still terribly hot. Before night we got up the curtains, unrolled the rugs – all the house but my room looks fine.

 

June 2, 1953

This morning I straightened up my room. Still going strong on sleep I got night before last. In P.M. I drove to Enid & talked with Dr. Duffy. He prescribed amatol to give us both some rest. (Dr. Freed wouldn’t use it.) Terribly hot wind. Wheat ripe. I saw one combine starting in, 2 fields of oats cut & shocked. Mrs. Sanders, our new minister’s wife called. She is fine.

 

June 3, 1953

Worst weather yet. The amatol produced a drugged sleep – I could hardly get her to bathroom on necessary trips. Dozed all morning – hallucinations in P.M. so I stayed right by her & tried to reassure her. Late in P.M. she came out of it. Mrs. Cromer & Mrs. Lyons called & she visited with them. In evening Mary Burchardt called with her fine [baby?] son & granddaughter.

 

June 4, 1953

Tried the amatol again – drugged sleep – dopey all day but no serious hallucinations. I talked with Velma & she said amatol is like that. She doesn’t approve and that is what Dr. Freed said also. I did get some writing done today. Tonight I halved the dose. Cloudy & not so hot.

 

June 5, 1953

Slight shower last night made the day cooler. Then this P.M. we had a good rain. Most of it went north, but the part west of us looked bad & I took Mother to the cellar. Then it was so quiet and nice a shower I was sorry I had caused her that trouble. But it did not hurt her. She is really herself tonight. Perhaps that half dose will work.

 

June 6, 1953

June 7

It rained hard last night – windy but not very hot today. Mother is her lovely self today – had two pretty bad spells last night (one about a lost little girl named Angie, the other about a murder in the living room) but otherwise she slept.

 

June 7, 1953

June 6

Lovely cool weather. When I heard of the tornadoes etc. over the state in the morning news broadcast I decided I had been right after all in getting Mother to the cellar. It rained 3 in. at Covington – I thought at the time most of the cloud passed north of us.

 

June 8, 1953

Terribly hot weather again, even though ground is still wet. Wheat is coming in fast, tho’ not a long procession yet. Got word from Mr. Krause our wheat went 10 bu. – which is fine for such a season. Last night I slept at Pearl Burchardt’s & let Ora stay with Mother. Not really necessary for I have slept some lately, but Velma says I must do it once a week.

 

June 9, 1953

Terribly hot day. Our new minister called. He is very conscientious and will do his work well, but he has an unsettled personality – sort of a wild man, waving his arms and making every little thing dramatic. I hope people like him.

 

June 10, 1953

Terribly hot day. I had a bad time last night – gave the half dose of amytal and seconal but it didn’t hold her down. Fundamentally she doesn’t want me to sleep – is lonely & afraid & wants to keep me awake. Keeping me awake is wearing on her. She is always worn out after a bad night.

 

June 11, 1953

Another bad night. Lying down with her does not help. She wants me awake. And in the day she becomes ill if I am not in constant attendance – tho’ she will accept Ora as a substitute. This evening I tried to do a little work in the cellar and she worked herself into real illness.

 

June 12, 1953

Fairly good night. Velma went to Enid and saw Dr. Duffy – told him how the amytal was working – asked if some other sedative couldn’t be used. He said there is none – she is at the place where milder drugs won’t work.

 

June 13, 1953

Worst weather yet. I’m pretty tired – bad night last night. Sadie Goodnight (bless her!) called this evening. If I could be awake & with Mother all the time she would be happy. It is pathetic how her fingers curl around mine every time I go to her.

 

June 14, 1953

Some sleep last night. Today was the hottest day yet. I tried to take care of her but she couldn’t bear the fan and by late afternoon she had wilted from the heat. Had a very troublesome spell of being out of her mind in early evening but I finally got her to bed.

 

June 15, 1953

Pretty bad night. Terribly hot today. Same problem – wilted from heat and out of her mind and hard to manage from 4 o’clock P.M. on. Tonight I am going back to Dr. Freed’s harmless sedative.

 

June 16, 1953

By 7:30 A.M. the loaded wheat trucks from the harvest field stretched to the highway. Last night my mother kept me up all night – she is exhausted today. I called Dr. Freed and he said to giver a full dose of the amytal & seconal even tho’ it does knock her out. Terribly hot day. I had a spell of migraine this evening – stopped it with tomato soup.

 

June 17, 1953

It is wonderful for me to have a night’s rest The dose worked. She slept all night – I was up only twice – and woke refreshed & was almost herself today. I brought Mrs. Hawkins here for a visit in the P.M. I’ll use the same tonight. Still the terrible weather continues. The reason the wheat trucks line up is that the cars do not remove it from the elevator fast enough.

 

June 18, 1953

Terribly hot day. I gave her the full dose last night but it did not work. Dr. Duffy told me to repeat if necessary. I should have done it but thought I could quiet her without and dreaded having her doped all day. As result of sleepless night she was ill all day – wild this evening from 5 on. Got her settled after 8 – Ora took over. I will sleep at Mrs. Hawkins’ house.

 

June 19, 1953

I had good night’s sleep, only woke with bad attack of migraine at 5:30. Ora reported a good night. The fact is she tries to keep me awake and wears herself out – she is better off when I am away. In consequence of her good night’s rest she was her natural self today. Mrs. Baugh called and she enjoyed it thoroughly.

 

June 20, 1953

Hot day as usual. I had a terrible night with my mother last night. Finally gave her a second sleeping capsule at 3. It knocked her out so she was in a daze all day. Managed to get a little breakfast down her at noon. In the evening she came to a little – ate her dinner. I am going to let Ora take over nightly. It seems the loving care I have been giving her has done her harm – made her too dependent on me.

 

June 21, 1953

Hottest day yet.

 

I stayed at Mrs. Hawkins’ – woke with bad migraine. When I got home Ora said Mother had not slept at all – called me all night – so staying away will not wean her, as I had hoped. She was so low all day I couldn’t keep back the tears. Then Mavin Foor came and she came out suddenly just like herself.

 

June 22, 1953

Nice cool day

Tried a new sedative last night. She called me every minute for 2 hrs. I got so discouraged I got Mrs. Sanders to stay with her & called Dr. De Witt. He gave her some new ones on top of the one I had used and it put her to sleep. She is not in a stupor today. Mr. Krause & wife & granddaughter were here to see about the wheat.

 

June 23, 1953

Nice cool day

Tried a different combination of sedatives and it worked – she slept in a natural way. Is not much better today, however. I feel greatly rested. Was up only 5 or 6 times. Had a nice shower last night. Mr. Sanders & Olga Shafer called – the latter with cookies.

 

June 24, 1953

[No entry]

 

June 25, 1953

Failed to make entry these days – remember vaguely that things got worse and worse till I was at my wit’s end, all the time hoping I could hold out. Much [continued on June 26, 1953.

 

June 26, 1953

[Continued from June 26, 1953]

of the day & most of the might she lay unconscious – not sleeping, gripped by horrible nightmarish imaginings – “Baby…dead…Baby…dead,” etc.

 

June 27, 1953

Mother in a horrible nightmare – did not sleep all night – called me every minute though my arms were around her & she didn’t know me. I decided to give up. Called Dr. De Witt about nine A.M. she was unconscious. He said she might live for years. I called Dr. Freed & took her to the Stillwater hospital. Am at Gordons’.

 

June 28, 1953

Am heartbroken at leaving my poor little mother alone in the shadows. But the dr. said I must not stay with her. Ate breakfast with Ellen, lunch at the cafeteria with the Hammonds. Went to the hospital in the P.M. She had been wild at night – climbed over the rails & out of bed. They had given her a hypo, but it didn’t quiet her.

 

June 29, 1953

I did not make entries and the days are confused. I would drive to Marshall in the terrible heat to pack, etc. then back in the afternoon to see her in the hospital. She would cling to me and cry and say, “Oh, darling, Perhaps this was June 30. Yes it is.

 

June 30, 1953

[continued from June 29, 1953] I wanted you so. I called for you all night.” There was a new nursing home opened the day after I brought her, but Miss [continued on July 1, 1953.

 

July 1, 1953

[continued from June 30, 1953]

Jack told me they wouldn’t take anybody but well people. She had tried to get her mother there and they had refused. The Stillwater people were wonderful to me. All of them tried to think of places where she [continued on July 2, 1953.

 

July 2, 1953

[continued from July 1, 1953]

might be cared for but none of them would take her. Finally just to be sure I had left no stone unturned I drove out to the home & they would take her. On July 1 I went home & got her furniture – Mr. Moore brought his [continued July 3, 1953.

 

July 3, 1953

[continued from July 2, 1953]

truck – and set it up in her room. On July 2 I took her there early in the morning. Next day drove to Marshall and packed, etc. Coming back thru the terrible heat my radiator clogged & I about burned up my car. Saw her at the home in the evening. She’s desperately lonely. But she had slept with no sedative.

 

July 4, 1953

In spite of the fact that my car was damaged I drove to Marshall & finished packing, closing the house, etc. And for the first time found my mother happy and smiling. She had slept last night also. I feel less sad now.

 

July 5, 1953

Last night for the first time I slept & woke relaxed. Apparently my mother is going to sleep better away from me than with me. Today she went out to the table & ate – even asked the blessing She had a good night’s sleep.

 

July 6, 1953

This week also I neglect ted to make entries. Things began to fall into a pattern. My mother has slept every night. She wanted me by her but when I am not there, she sleeps. I am so happy
[continued on July 7].

 

July 7, 1953

[continued from July 6, 1953]

about it. I am beginning to feel miraculously rested. I could not have accepted relief at the expense of her suffering, but she is better off, too. Our interests are identical. She is cheerful during the day, and
[continued on July 8, 1953].

 

July 8, 1953

[continued from July 7, 1953]

only normally glad to see me. She has had none of those frightful hallucinations she had when I cared for her. Probably it is because sleeps now. She has members of her family with her instead, my father, her
[continued on July 8, 1953].

 

July 9, 1953

[continued from July 8, 1953]

parents, her young brothers and sisters, even Edwin and me as children. I go out to see her every day. Sometime this week we had rain and lovely cool weather. Most of the week
[continued on July 10, 1953].

 

July 10, 1953

[continued from July 9, 1953]

I think. I am getting some writing done but most of the time I am attending to business and writing necessary letters. I am staying in my cottage with Winona Nelson to whom I sublet it for the summer. She is lovely.

 

July 11, 1953

Rained this morning – lovely cool day, even cold. I went to Guthrie and made my will. On the way down a truck pushed the bus off the highway but we did not tip over. I saw Grace Goodwin in Guthrie – told her of Mother’s illness.

 

July 12, 1953

I went to the 9 o’clock early church service – first time for a year. At 11 I met the dr. at the home. He is greatly pleased with Mother’s condition. It rained 5 ½ in. last night but I slept through it. We have had 7 ½ in in all during the week. It is so cold today I lighted the oven.

 

July 13, 1953

Another cold day, but not so cold as yesterday. Mrs. Poulton loaned me a sweater. I had lunch with the Poultons. Such fine people, Winona Nelson, with whom I share the cottage is a wonderful person. It is a privilege to know her.

 

July 14, 1953

Grace Goodman (bless her) drove up from Guthrie to see Mother. It was one of her bad days. She was very confused, almost inarticulate. So sweet of Grace to come.

 

July 15, 1953

Mother had a bad night last night – the only one she has had since she went to the home. Was awake nearly all night & Mrs. Berry was up with her all the time. Just as it was when I was with her. Nice shower this evening.

 

July 16, 1953

Rained more today. Lovely cool weather. Mother slept fine last night. Mind almost clear today – groping, trying to get things straight. I couldn’t keep back the tears. Her best days are the saddest for me.

 

July 17, 1953

Lovely day. Winona Nelson went home – always does on week ends. I miss her. She is a wonderful person. It was good for me to have her during this time of loneliness. She says it was good for her, too, for her mother died suddenly the week before I came. My mother was sitting at the table almost her sweet self when I went out there this evening.

 

July 18, 1953

Mother was very disturbed when I went to see her this evening. I am worried about her prospects for a night’s sleep. Mrs. Gordon’s daughter, Mrs. Cantwell, has a very sick husband in the hospital. Heart trouble. I am worried about him. Lovely day – clean air, everything growing, warm sun.

 

July 19, 1953

This evening my poor little Mother had been crying – apparently had cried for hours. She had lost her children, Angie and Edwin – also other members of the family. I couldn’t keep back my own tears, but it seemed to steady her. I got her confusion all straightened out and left her content. It rained most of the day, not much water. Mr. Cantwell is better. I went to church this morning.

 

July 20, 1953

Rained hard last night. Mr. C. is much improved. Mother was almost in her right mind when I went to see her – had got over her worry. It is so pitiable when she thinks her little children or her small brothers and sisters are lost and she helpless to find them. She thinks my father is lost too.

 

July 21, 1953

I took our dear Dorothy Fleet out to see my mother yesterday. It was such a treat to Mother. It was a warm day today – not hot and dry but warm and sultry. The country is beautiful.

 

July 22, 1953

I took Winona to see my mother. Then I drove to Marshall to Dorothea Burchardt’s wedding. Beautiful wedding. And how I enjoyed the reception – talking with all the good friends. Only fly in ointment – The basement has always about 2 ft of water in it. I did something wrong with that newfangled gadget the plumber put in last year.

 

July 23, 1953

Saw August Burchardt about the basement. He said it was O.K. now & would leak out. He was going to take Dorothea’s new In-laws to the plane. So I came on back to Stillwater. It rained quite hard this P.M. This evening Winona and I and a girl named Patsy Ward had dinner at the Garretts’. Lovely time. Worried about my mother – she vomited this evening.

 

July 24, 1953

I called the dr. He said the last urine test showed sugar. That is the reason for the nausea. I had been suspecting it. They can’t manage the diet quite as well as I did. She eats only part and picks out what she likes. This evening I spent 2 hours there – watched till she ate every scrap. Mr. Cantwell was taken home this evening.

 

July 25, 1953

[No entry]

 

July 26, 1953

Neglected to make entry. I remember I did go to church. It threatened rain thru church and I seem to remember it rained in the evening.

 

July 27, 1953

Library staff had nice party for Mrs. Linscheid, who is retiring at end of summer school this week. Dinner at Stu. Un. – corsage & gift. I think it pleased her and we enjoyed it, too. Truce signed in Korea – whatever that means.

 

July 28, 1953

[No entry]

 

July 29, 1953

{No entry]

 

July 30, 1953

Had dinner with Mrs. Low. It was for Mrs. Linscheid. Mrs. Strong & I were fortunate enough to be invited. We enjoyed it very much.

 

July  31, 1953

Winona Nelson was initiated into ΦΚΦ [Phi Kappa Phi – Greek letters spelled out]. I went along to the initiation and attended the dinner. It was a very pleasant occasion. Winona is a very wonderful woman. We have become real friends during this month.

 

August 1, 1953

Commencement this morning – sort of combined with baccalaureate. Rev. Abernathy preached – or gave address – very superficial. Winona got master’s, Ellen had the living room and bedroom walls painted today. Very pretty.

 

August 2, 1953

I went over to Marshall to church. It was a very fine service – young Sanders is fine. I enjoyed visiting -  with the people – had dinner at the Adams home. Tried to see August Burchardt about the water in the basement but failed.

 

August 3, 1953

I called August on the phone – he will take care of basement.

 

Last evening the good nurse at the rest home told me she was leaving. Before I had time to become too upset she told me she would take my mother into her home. Yesterday I paid my $150 in advance for Aug. This morning I went out & told Mrs. Dillman and she gave my check.

 

August 4, 1953

It was cloudy – today & at five it started raining – rained very hard. I drove out thru the downpour to the home – found Mother very upset because I was late. Her mind has cleared until she has a pretty good idea of time, etc.

 

August 5, 1953

Rained during night – about an inch in all. The man painted the kitchen and bathroom today. The house looks lovely. I am sleeping at the Gordons’ to get away from the fresh paint smell.

 

August 6, 1953

Mrs. Berry, the good nurse, was to leave today and I was going to take my mother to her house, but she stayed on. It is a bad situation. The woman in charge is completely irresponsible – can’t be trusted with the patients, and doesn’t even pay her employees. But Mrs. Berry is too faithful to leave – hopes for a change in management.

 

August 7, 1953

Light shower at 5 P.M.

 

Mother was very upset this evening. I hope I got her straightened out. Mother has had good care at the home thanks to Mrs. Berry, but she has definitely decided to leave tomorrow. She feels worried about the patients but she can’t do it all and without pay besides. I called Mr. Moore to haul Mother’s furniture.

 

August 8, 1953

I moved Mother to the pleasant Berry home – then went to Marshall with Mr. Moore & the furniture. Found August Burchardt’s man had just finished cleaning the basement. Came back & drove out to the Berrys [sic] & found poor little Mother still upset – believes there is a plot to kill her. I did all I could to get her straight but am afraid it won’t work.

 

August 9, 1953

I went to the 9 o’clock service – transferred my church membership. Then went to see Mother. She was in terrible fear – plot to kill her, etc. I couldn’t help her – asked the Hammonds to visit her to divert her mind. This P.M. I went with the Meltons to Fallis – called on Blanche & Seale Hunt then dinner on the Turner Turnpike.

 

August 10, 1953

I worried about Mother all day but stayed away till evening. (The dr. said I must wean her away & I am trying to do it.) When I drove out this evening she was out of the fear she has lived in these past days. I am sure it was the Hammonds’ visit. I got caught in light shower on way back to town.

 

August 11, 1953

(Drove out early in the morning to get urine.)

Mother was sitting out in the yard this evening talking very happily with the Berrys. She is out of that terrible fear. Nice cool day – another light shower in the night.

 

August 12, 1953

Yesterday afternoon the dr. told me to give Mother some insulin so I took it out this morning. In the evening when I made my daily visit she was in the yard again talking happily with Mr. Berry.

 

August 13, 1953

Mother is still happy in her pleasant surroundings. I hope the fear does not recur. She is taking insulin now. She has serious irritation that I had attributed to prickly heat but the dr. says diabetes.

 

August 14, 1953

The young couple who are going to live in the cottage were here today, but went back to Cushing for the night. They just arrived from Germany. He is Mrs. Gordon’s grandson, and it means so much to them to live there I am going to move into the Gordons’ house.

 

August 15, 1953

Hot day. I moved today – worked hard, got hot, and had attack of migraine. I have everything in the Gordon house but my bed, but I am going to sleep in the cottage tonight. The young Cantwells are not ready to move in yet.

 

August 16, 1953

Rained all night and most of the day. I felt so bad from my migraine attack that I stayed in and rested – didn’t go to church. Moved my bed this morning – no claim on the cottage now. I fell a little a sad about leaving it.

 

August 17, 1953

[No entry]

 

August 18, 1953

Still raining. Della Clark and Dorothy came over this P.M. to see my mother. She enjoyed it so very much. So sweet of them to do it.

 

August 19, 1953

[No entry]

 

August 20, 1953

Heard Mrs. Cho, dean of Ewa College, Korea. She is so cheerful and brave it breaks one’s heart. I am going to try to pinch pennies a little more so I can send help to that unhappy country. Saw Alma Friend with some other Drumright teachers – showed them the library. Cold day.

 

August 21, 1953

Saw Floy Cobb at a gathering of teachers at Student Union so took her out to see Mother. It gave poor little Mother great pleasure. Then I took Mrs. Cora Gordon out this P.M. Then I ate supper & spent the evening at Mrs. Gordon’s and watched television. Cold day – warmed up in P.M.

 

August 22, 1953

Later – I see now she died yesterday – misread telegram.

 

Got a telegram from Burton that Aunt Ida died this morning. The last one of the family but Mother. I debated whether to tell her. Found she had announced out of a clear sky this morning, “Sister Ida is dead.” Hamlet’s words to Horatio are true. But by afternoon when I saw her she was very comforted. She understood when I told her but I left her confused. Cold bright day.

 

August 23, 1953

I went to church at Marshall this morning – went home for dinner & a fine visit with Brysons. Packed up some things, called on Mrs. Hawkins (found the Voskuhls there) & came back in time to call on Mother as usual. My car made a funny noise in Marshall but drove perfectly on the road.

 

August 24, 1953

Nothing much happened only that I didn’t accomplish much – am getting lazy in my writing. When I went started tried to start my car to go out to visit my mother it wouldn’t start. I called to tell Mrs. Berry I’d get a taxi and she said Mr. Berry would come after me & he did. So good of him. My car has always been so good about starting.

 

August 25, 1953

I called Hull Motors & they came after my car. Later I called up to see how they were getting along and they said they had a car to sell me – 1948, 30,000-odd miles, owned by farmer who recently struck oil & wanted new Dodge. This is Plymouth. Price $850 plus my dear old Martha. I think it was a good buy & I took it. I trust the Hulls. I must have a car I can depend on.

 

August 26, 1953

I spent the day at the Berrys using her machine to make my mother two dresses. I was upstairs working and heard my mother – how restless and unhappy she is – worrying about my father and the children, etc. I cried all the morning hearing her. If it were only possible to make her happy. She was quiet in the PM.

 

August 27, 1953

I went to picture show with the Hammonds and another woman Mrs. Bovard – very fine. I took them in my new car. Then I ate supper with the Hammonds and spent the evening with them. Mother seemed more normal on my daily visit today.

 

August 28, 1953

I woke strangely rested – the effect of the picture show. This evening my mother was sweet & smiling and almost normal – in fact normal in spots. I am enjoying my car. It is wonderful. I look forward all day to the pleasure of driving it. It is the most perfect thing I have ever had.

 

August 29, 1953

Mother seemed more natural today. I really enjoyed my visit. These glimpses of my dear mother are very precious – and in these days very rare.

 

August 30, 1953

I drove to Marshall to church this morning. Had dinner & a nice visit with Mrs. Baugh. Called on poor Mrs. Vchulek who is dying of cancer. Then brought Mrs. Lyons over to visit my mother, who was almost herself & enjoyed it greatly. Then took Mrs. L. back to Marshall – so 2 trips to Marshall.

 

August 31, 1953

Mrs. Berry said she had an awful time with Mother all the P.M. after Mrs. L & I left. I wonder if company is not good for her. It was the same after Floy Cobb called. Perhaps it just happened that way.

 

September 1, 1953

I went back to work in the map room today after having the summer off. It was very pleasant to get back. I enjoy the maps – a welcome change from writing.

 

September 2, 1953

Today or yesterday – I am making entry late and have forgotten – I had a brief visit with Mrs. Orpha Young with whom I traveled in 1935 when I was doing research on And Still the Waters Run.

 

September 3, 1953

Hard showers all morning, then cleared up this P.M. and is very cold. The paper says the rain was general over the state. I really enjoyed visiting with my mother this evening. She had a good many delusions but I saw some pathetic glimpses of herself.

 

September 4, 1953

The Cherokees were good enough to invite me to their first annual celebration of their adoption of their constitution in 1839 at Tahlequah. I am going over – will take Mrs. Garrett & Kathleen. It will cause me to miss seeing my mother Sunday – first day I have missed.

 

September 5, 1953

I went to see my mother at 10:30 – then ate an early dinner & we left at 12. Went to Tahlequ Muskogee & visited dear Mrs. Foreman. She is terribly thin but sweet as ever. We got to Tahlequah at 6. Are staying at the boys’ dorm (school not in session yet) with lively charming Mrs. Bowers.

 

September 6, 1953

Had a wonderfully interesting day, but a hard day. The Cherokee meeting was in the square. Many fbds. [full bloods] there. Had a fine dinner given to some of us by the college. Then a pageant. The Trail of Tears episode was very moving. Full day – rather tired.

 

September 7, 1953

Drove back by way of Broken Arrow & Coweta. I had never traveled that road. Also saw Wagoner. Got a real thrill crossing the beautiful lake by Wagoner. This was all new country as far as Bixby. We got here later than we planned. I worked this P.M. from 2 on. Mrs. Berry says it made no particular difference to my mother my being away yesterday.

 

September 8, 1953

I believe it was Tues. – failed to make entry – that I met (and agreed to employ) Mrs. King (Cathy) a very attractive Choctaw girl from Broken Bow. She graduated last spring from this college, but her husband has a year and a half yet.

 

September 9, 1953

I believe this is the day I saw my beloved Marilynn Hill Alcott in the cafeteria. She is staying with her husband’s parents while he is in Korea. She will have a baby in Dec. She looks wonderful. I met her mother-in-law, who is very fine. She has a real home there.

 

September 10, 1953

Cathy is fine – as intelligent and capable as she is pretty. She is very careful and painstaking and besides all this she is a lovely person to know.

 

September 11, 1953

I got an advance copy of Dr. Cecil Williams’ new book which will be published Sept. 17. Spent all evening reading it. A very sincere true book – worth writing and worth reading – but too much detail and not enough meaning.

 

September 12, 1953

Faculty meeting this morning. Always an inspiring occasion. Pres. Willham made a very fine address.

 

September 13, 1953

Drove to Marshall to church this morning. Jim preached a wonderful sermon (much better than I hear in Stillwater). Then I took lunch with Mrs. Hawkins, brought her over to visit my mother, took her thru the library. Then took her back to Marshall. (I have already put a thousand miles on my car. Hot windy day..

 

September 14. 1953

Nothing in particular happened. I am liking Cathy King just fine. The freshmen are here today for orientation. (Bless them!).

 

September 15, 1953

I bought me a new dress today. $15.00. It will be my dress up dress. It is pretty if it doesn’t wrinkle. My poor little mother is more confused all the time. She is so affectionate when I go for my daily visit it breaks my heart. I wish I could have her with me.

 

September 16, 1953

I drove over to Perry today for the Strip celebration (60 yrs.). Watched the parade, ate with the old-timers (with the Freemans). It was a moving experience to see them greet each other. I was to judge some stories but they had such a good time talking the program didn’t come off. I had the great pleasure of seeing Mrs. Elmer & Mrs. Monroe Branen and Florence.

 

September 17, 1953                                                               

I was really pretty tired today. I am working on a talk I am to make at Nash tomorrow.

 

September 18, 1953

I went to Enid on the bus & they came after me & took me to Nash & back. Lovely, level country all ready for wheat planting but very dry – dust whirlwinds marching across the fields, haze in the air. Nash has a towering elevator, a fine school building, and not much else. The club met in a lovely farm home – all the women were farm wives, educated, intelligent, alert. When I got back I found it had rained in Stillwater.

 

September 19, 1953

I wrote all day except I was tired and quit an hour early. There was a football game here – not considered important – with Hardin-Simmons College.

 

September 20, 1953

I went to church (poor sermon) and S.S. The latter was a very happy experience – greeting my last years beloved sophomores. I have not met my this year’s sophomores. There was a big crowd there, but the classes were not divided.

 

September 21, 1953

It is getting cold this evening. Nothing much happened. Monday morning I get my hair set, wash, iron, clean my room, etc. & go down town. I used to do those things after five but can’t now because of my daily visit with my mother. See Sept 22.

 

September 22, 1953

So cold today I had the fire on all morning until I started to work. No news in particular. My poor little mother is more confused all the time. Another cool day. I made my entry late fir yesterday and forgot to say I went to the Writers’ Club at Mrs. Wade Johnson’s.

 

September 23, 1953

I went with Dr. & Mrs. Cecil Williams to a dinner by the League of Women Voters (public invited) to hear our representative in Congress, Tom Steed [?]. I was rather favorably impressed. He seems like an honest man with blunt humor and much solid sense – not particularly intellectual, or with sensitivity, or firmness of feeling but O.K.

 

September 24, 1953

[No entry]

 

September 25, 1953

I attended the Lahoma reception. Ruth Hammond came by for me. I was very tired but managed to smile and smile and smile – like a Halloween pumpkin.

 

September 26, 1953

I went down town and got my dear mother a lovely pink robe for her birthday. I hope it will be possible to give her a little pleasure that day. In the P.M. I knocked off & watched the OU-Notre Dame game on television. Interesting to see how intensely our students rooted for OU.

 

September 27, 1953

Very hot day

My dear little mother’s 88^th birthday. She would have been happier without this last one. But the day passed well. She was very dear & sweet and appreciative. Grace Goodman on way to Ponca came by & I too her out for a brief visit. Ruth H. went out there & took her a rose. Burton & Dorine sent a plant. I took her a robe. She loved it all. It was a good day for her. This P.M. I took the Garretts & Ruth H. to Camp Redlands to a Wesleyan Service Guild retreat. Heard a wonderful talk by Ruby Laeger from Cookson.

 

September 28, 1953

We had real hot winds – very hot ones – today. I got a permanent this A.M. In the P.M. eleven of us from the library staff went in two station wagons to O.C. for the dedication of the new library at O.C. University. Met many librarians and saw the lovely bldg.. All of us ate our dinner together and had a fine time as we always do.

 

September 29, 1953

Very hot day, but not hot winds. A fine boy name John Finch (from Bartlesville) came and talked with me today. He is very serious about wanting to be a writer.

 

September 30, 1953

Probably this was the day I went to a picture show with the Hammonds. I know I did go one day this week. Neglected to make entry.

 

October 1, 1953

I joined a S.S. class that meets every Thurs. evening at the Garretts. It is reading straight through the Bible. Tonight we finished Ezra and started Nehemiah. I have long wanted to join it.

 

October 2, 1953

[No entry]

 

October 3, 1953

It rained today and is now rather cold. Texas Tech played A.&M. here today. I don’t know who won. The game opened with much enthusiasm, but the rain soon drove most of the crowd to shelter.

 

October 4, 1953

I taught my S.S. class today. (Taught it last Sunday too, but no room for entry.) I know it is going to be fine. They are sophomores and of course I don’t know them yet. Had election of officers today. This evening I attended communion service. Cold day Looked like rain but didn’t.

 

October 5, 1953

Clear but cold today. I went to a church board meeting – I forget the name – it has charge of the Wesley Foundation. Very interesting meeting.

 

October 6, 1953

Still cold. My poor little mother’s mind is going very fast. She knows me and is touchingly affectionate, but everything else is a blur. It is hard to realize that a year ago she was completely herself during the day and even at night she seemed normal except for asking unnecessary attention.

 

October 7, 1953

It froze ice. I don’t know why it didn’t kill things – not even tomatoes. Frost this morning – not a killing frost. The oleanders were not harmed. I went to the Social Science Faculty Club & heard Prof. Marshall, head of the math dept., tell about (& show pictures of) Ethiopia.

 

October 8, 1953

I went to Social Science Research Faculty Club – saw some pic I attended S.S. class at the Garretts’. Weather sunny, crisp, and lovely.

 

October 9, 1953

Nothing in particular happened. My mother was more like herself this evening. She had a slight fall just before I came, and apparently, it had shocked her into better circulation in her brain.

 

October 10, 1953

The weather is very hot again. The rain a week ago was very slight here. It is terribly dry.

 

October 11, 1953

I taught my fine S.S. class today. Had dinner with Mrs. Hatcher – also Alice Hastings, Miss Stoss, & Miss Long. In afternoon I called on Mr. Hastings briefly. The grand old man is not well. Then Raymond & Mabel Bryson came by & I took them out to visit my mother. She knew and loved them. They told me Bob Crabbs is dead. Poor Essie! He was a good man.

 

October 12, 1953

I called on dear old Mr. Hastings the evening. He has failed a great deal since I saw him last. Weather still warm.

 

October 13, 1953

Nothing much happened. Weather still warm.

 

October 14, 1953

Dinner and evening at the Juhlins in honor of Helen Poulton, who is leaving. Besides Helen and her mother the Howlands were there. Myrtle Juhlin is a genius. She served the most perfect meal I ever tasted. The whole evening was delightful – but so sorry to see the P’s leave.

 

October 15, 1953

Lovely rain off & on all day – like spring showers, very hard at times. And we needed it desperately. It rained very hard in the n.w. where it was most needed – 4 to 6 in. around Gage, Fargo, Arnett. Went to S.S. class at the Garretts’.

 

October 16, 1953

Beautiful bright clean-washed day. My poor little mother is failing fast – barely knows me now.

 

October 17, 1953

Learned Mrs. Vculek died last week. So sorry. I drove over to Marshall. Got the water tank & traps drained for winter. Worked hard at the house all P.M. doing things I didn’t do last summer. Spent delightful evening with dear Mrs. Baugh. Will stay overnight. It makes me very sad to come back to the little house.

 

October 18, 1953

Attended 3 churches today. Methodist 10:45; Xn [Christian] 11; Evangelical 2:30. The Evangelical people are celebrating their golden anniversary – very delightful occasion. Got back just in time to drive out to see my mother. She was raving – not worried so much, just jabbering.

 

October 19, 1953

My poor little mother raves all the time night and day. She scarcely knew me this evening. She does not have the fearful hallucinations she once had. It is mainly religious – prays and rants. It wrings one’s heart to see her.

 

October 20, 1953

Dinner tonight for Helen Poulton, who is leaving. The dr. gave Mother a harmless sedative and it worked. She slept last night & is quieter today. I went to O.C. on the bus, took part in a forum at the library on Okla. personality. Saw the fine new library. Enjoyed visit with Dorothy Holcomb & her mother. Walter Gray came out – fine man. I am staying here tonight. Bo’t [sic] me a hat $8.00.

 

October 21, 1953

Dinner for Helen Poulton who is going away Rained a little this morning. I had my raincoat along. I came back on bus – got here a little after 1:00. [Rest of entry written, but crossed out]
Had interview with Mr. Geo. Stratton of Lewis Hist. Pub. Co. He wanted me to write on Okla. hist. I didn’t agree but do like him. Went to Bible class. I enjoy it very much. We stayed for a little celebration – Mrs. Garrett’s birthday.

 

October 22, 1953

Rained a lot during night and much of day. Drought broken over the state. Had interview with Mr. Geo. Stratton of Lewis His. Pub Co. He wants me to write hist. of Okla. I won’t but did like him. Went to Bible class. After close we had a little celebration of Mrs. Garrett’s birthday.

 

October 23, 1953

Raining this morning. Cleared off during day and is cold. My dear little mother showed something of her real self today. It seemed so sweet & precious I couldn’t keep back the tears. When she is wild I cry because she is not herself; when she is at her best I cry because it seems so sweet to get a glimpse of her.

 

October 24, 1953

Not so cold as we had expected – no frost. Bright in morning, cloudy in P.M. We had our picnic (library I mean) this evening at Mary Graves’. Enjoyed it very much. My dear mother is not so wild any more. The sedative is helping.

 

October 25, 1953

Had fine S.S. class. During the church hour it started raining very hard. I had my raincoat, so got to the car dry & then drove past the church & picked up a load of boys, which I delivered at their dorms. The girls were picked up before I got there. I gave my mother her supper. She is completely out of her mind but sweet, relaxed, and very religious.

 

October 26, 1953

Cold day. Saw and heard a charming performance of Mozart’s “La Fanta Giardiniera,” which they call “Merry Masquerade.” Got quite vexed at Ellen. She put the furnace on today and gave me to understand I was to keep my door closed & not use the heat. There have been other things. I can’t have the bathroom from 6 to 7 in the morning and often family cars are in front of my garage door.

 

October 27, 1953

Called Mrs. McElroy and found a cute apartment in the brick house for five dollars less than I pay here – only I pay the utilities, which will make it about even. I have no privileges here. There I should be able to fix my own meals, have my own bath, etc. I still like Ellen, but she does not seem to realize that for $30 a mo. I should at least have the furnace heat.

 

October 28, 1953

I told Ellen I was leaving. She and Mr. Gordon are very sweet and friendly, but I feel under some constraint. I allow things like that to trouble me too much. I’ll be glad when I am moved and it is all over.

 

October 29, 1953

I went to the S.S. class at the Garretts. We did no real reading because Anna Oursler couldn’t be present. We are starting Job. I certainly enjoy this class.

 

October 30, 1953

Nothing in particular happened. I had to go down town to make all the changes – mail, utilities, etc. for my move tomorrow. My poor little mother was very vague today. Said I was her oldest daughter – named Lina.

 

October 31, 1953

I moved today – hurt my back lifting things so couldn’t unpack and straighten up my apartment. This evening I went to Kappa Phi mother-and-daughter banquet at the church as the guest of Sherley Daniels. She had been disappointed because her mother had not been able to come from Amarillo. It was a fine party, but I was very tired from moving. Lovely bright day.

 

November 1, 1953

My back still hurts. I to’t [sic] my S.S. class – then felt so much better I decided to stay for church (Poor sermon as usual.) Then I decided to go to Marshall & get some cooking utensils, etc. I didn’t get all I really wanted – partly on acct. of my back, partly because Ralph Cooper & his wife Elsie came. It was wonderful to see Ralph & I think Elsie is fine.

 

November 2, 1953

I did some more straightening the apt. but had to go easy for my back still hurts. Warm beautiful day. When I was at Marshall Sunday I tho’t [sic] I never saw the wheat so green and beautiful so early in the fall. I stocked up on groceries & started cooking my own meals.

 

November 3, 1953

I am really enjoying my apartment. I feel really at home here. Am really happier than I would be at the Gordon cottage I like so well for I do not miss Mother here since she never lived here.

 

November 4, 1953

[No entry]

 

November 5, 1953

Failed to make entry. Do not remember much about the day except I went to the Bible class at the Garretts’. It was raining on the way back, I remember – cold rain, almost like sleet.

 

November 6, 1953

I drove to Cushing and spoke to a club. Cold day but I had my heater & enjoyed it. The woods are lovely all in color. It sleeted this morning but melted as soon as it fell so it was not dangerous driving.

 

November 7, 1953

Too cold to go home to get the things I need – no fire in the house. Homecoming parade this morning. I had no heart for it. Had always worked out ways for Mother to see it. Football game this P.M. – Uni. of Wyoming. A.&M. won.

 

November 8, 1953

Pretty cold day. I taught my S.S. class and went to church this morning. In the evening when I went to see my mother my windshield frosted till I had to scrape it. Then on the way home my defroster got to work & cleared it. I had no idea that gadget would work so well.

 

November 9, 1953

Mother didn’t know me today – the first time. I did not cry today when I was there. Somehow her failure to know me hurts me less than her pathetic affection, the way her dear fingers curl around mine, and her words telling how she loves me. Today was neutral – nothing at all.

 

November 10, 1953

Mother did not know me this evening, either, though she seemed to before I left. The weather has got lovely and warm again.

 

November 11, 1953

Went to a party at the church given by the commee. on ed. to the S.S. teachers & officers. Very pleasant.

 

November 12, 1953

The South Central Language Assn. is meeting here & some of our members are working so hard on the local arrangements comee. that we passed over our Bible-reading class.

 

November 13, 1953

I attended the dinner of the S. Cent. Lang. Assn. Enjoyed the conversation for the Lows & Garretts were at the table, but the speaker was too short for the microphone so I had hard time hearing him. New studio couch – pretty.

 

November 14, 1953

I got cover for my studio couch. They got it all recovered and it is very nice. Just brought it yesterday. Today I got a cover for it. My apartment looks very nice.

 

November 15, 1953

Taught my S.S. class and went to church. I don’t Went to Payne Co. Hist. Soc. In P.M. The Hammonds called this evening – they like my little apartment very much. And so do I.

 

November 16, 1953

Spoke to Colonial Dames from over the state, who had a luncheon meeting at the Student Union. I seldom speak so well as I did today – don’t know why, for I was too lazy to work on it. This evening heard Truman give a very lame defense of his keeping White in office. It made me sorry.

 

November 17, 1953

Saw Dublin Players in Pygmalion. Enjoyed it, but think Shaw talks too much, also dialect hard to understand.

 

November 18, 1953

Saw Dublin Players in “Shadow and Substance.” Liked it much better than Shaw. The dean was so arrogant and snobbish I couldn’t stand him in real life – but how splendid in manner and language.

 

November 19, 1953

Rainy day - very warm. I went to meeting of Bible-reading class. Enjoyed it very much.

 

November 20, 1953

Cold day – snow & sleet in Panhandle. Nothing in particular happened. I am not accomplishing much these days. We are planning a party for lovely Francis Low, who will be married Xmas [Christmas].

 

November 21, 1953

Still cool. Nothing in particular happened. I worked at my column all day – if one can call my slow progress working.

 

November 22, 1953

I went to early church service (sermon worse than usual); taught my S.S. class; then went to the Presby. church & heard a very fine sermon. Then in P.M. I went to Marshall & got some pictures, etc. Spent evening unpacking and arranging things. The apt. looks fine, but I got so tired. Cool day but warming up.

 

November 23, 1953

My back hurt today because I did too much lifting in packing and unpacking yesterday. I hardly know what is the matter with that back. It seems to be n.g.

 

November 24, 1953

Mr. Berry told me some very amusing and interesting things about the oil-rich Creek Indian Eastman Richards. I got my car washed today – I had forgotten how beautiful it was before it got muddy. It thrilled me to see it.

 

November 25, 1953

School closed at noon today for the holidays. I worked as usual. In the evening we had our usual Thursday Bible class at the Garretts a day early. Tomorrow the Garretts & I are going to Shawnee. I have not visited the town since about 1907 or ’08.

 

November 26, 1953

Crisp bright day. We needed the heater. I took my car. We had lovely trip. Visited old Quaker church & cemetery, drove around agency & hospital & OBU [Oklahoma Baptist University] campus, saw paintings at St. Gregory’s [University]. The Garretts put up a lunch & we ate in the church grounds.

 

November 27, 1953

Neglected to make entry. Don’t remember anything happening. I worked as usual.

 

November 28, 1953

This P.M. I drove to Marshall. Will stay tonight with Mrs. Hawkins. Attended shower for our lovely Jane Bryson. Had a wonderful time. Jamie so radient [sic]. Saw so many people I love. Had brief visit with Pearl Burchardt.

 

November 29, 1953

I stayed overnight & had breakfast with Mrs. Hawkins. Then I took her to church – enjoyed the service so much. I made apple dumplings & Mrs. Darling came & we all had dinner together. Then I went to the house & packed up some things to bring over here. Called on Mrs. Baugh briefly. Then drove back to Stillwater in time for my daily visit with my mother.

 

November 30, 1953

Warm bright wonderful day – a day to be happy in if only my poor little mother could enjoy it.

 

December 1, 1953

Warm day with mist and drizzle. I ate supper (hot cakes) at the Berrys. Wonderful people.

 

December 2, 1953

More warm drizzle till tonight, when we had a hard shower with much thunder. My poor little mother is getting worse all the time.

 

December 3, 1953

My dear little mother was her own serene self this evening – not perplexed and confused. What would I not give if she could be so always! Nearly all the time she is unhappy and worried and there is nothing I can do. This evening I attended the Bible class at the Garretts.

 

December 4, 1953

Another brief shell of naturalness for my poor little mother. She cannot talk or think connectedly, but her manner was natural rather than disturbed. I went to the church this evening and heard Olin Stockwell the missionary tell how he lied to please the Communists. I cannot blame him for not being  brave, but he thinks it was funny or not at all ashamed. Even wrote a book about it.

 

December 5, 1953

Dark gloomy day – sprinkled some, rained hard when I was out to see my mother. The poor little thing was all stirred up. She has very few happy or contented moments. I attended a brunch at the home ec. [economics] girls’ practice house. Other guests – Ruth H. & Miss Donart. Had a very nice time.

 

December 6, 1953

Bright day – crisp. I taught my S.S. class and went to church. At noon Ella Jack called. She had to take her poor little mother out to the Berrys and she is terribly grieved. It is my problem – the very same. When I went out to see my mother, Mrs. Jack was very cheerful and happy but she is restless and excited – jabbers all the time.

 

December 7, 1953

Ella Jack asked me to take her out and bring her mother back when I paid my visit this evening. I argued against it but she said she couldn’t endure to have her away. Poor Ella! I took her out and she picked up her things & we brought her back. The dear little lady was very happy and thrilled over her “visit” at the Berrys.

 

December 8, 1953

[No entry]

 

December 9, 1953

Stopped at the Hinkel shop and read the proof on my Xmas letters. I can’t possibly handle my correspondence, so write a letter and have it printed.

 

December 10, 1953

Went to the Bible class, then to hear a pianist on the allied arts. I was too tired to enjoy it. I got my Christmas letters. I got 150.

 

December 11, 1953

I sent out Christmas letters all forenoon.

 

December 12, 1953

More Christmas letters.

 

December 13, 1953

Coldish day. We went to church & taught my fine class. Took dinner with the Hastings. The Wallens were guests also. Mr. Hasting’s 86^th birthday was Dec. 9. In P.M. talked with Mr. Segal from N.Y. who is writing book on Quanah Parker. In evening heard Messiah by Meth. Choir. It was wonderful.

 

December 14, 1953

Coldish day. For several days now my mother has been contented and busy – thinks she is sewing or making fancy work. Smooths out an old towel and folds it and asks my advice on how it looks. How I hope this phase continues.

 

December 15, 1953

Got Christmas message from Esther Porter, enclosing notice of Percy’s death Nov. 27. Poor Esther! Such a lovely woman, and all her life so devoted to her husband. I must see her during the holidays.

 

December 16, 1953

Mother has become more contented. I am so very thankful. All day she smooths the cover of the bridge table by her and one or two other cloths and thinks she is sewing. She asks me about how it looks and I tell her it is just right, and she smiles and is pleased.

 

December 17, 1953

Mother’s feet are swelling so badly lately I called the dr. He said he would come & see her Sat. He is so terribly busy I hate to ask him since he can’t help her much. He is a wonderful dr. & a fine person. Went to Bible class this evening.

 

December 18, 1953

School closed today for the holidays (I get 6 days off.) Kathy’s mother sent her a tree – a lovely little cedar from their own place – but she and Don had theirs trimmed, so gave it to me. I had not planned to get one. I did put one up in my dept. at the library.

 

December 19, 1953

Mother’s foot is terribly swollen – more than the other. The doctor is coming this evening. Tomorrow evening we are having a tea and presenting a gift to lovely Francis Low who will be married a week from Sunday. Cold day. I put up the tree & it is lovely – trimmed with icicles.

 

December 20, 1953

I went to Presby. Church this morning & heard a wonderful sermon. At 2 I went out to see my mother – found one leg terribly swollen. I called the dr. & stayed till he came. He failed to come yesterday. She felt all right – no pain – and more contented (she has been that way lately) than she was formerly. When he came he said he would give lab. tests – is inclined to think her kidneys are breaking down. Of course I didn’t go to the party.

 

December 21, 1953

Mother about the same – swollen leg, but no noticeably effects – will have dr’s report tomorrow. My beloved Jane Bryson & Chas. Burchardt married here this evening at Meth. Ch. Lovely wedding. Reception a regular reunion of Marshall people. It makes me sure I want to spend retired years at Marshall instead of here. Rained today – snowed this evening.

 

December 22, 1953

It was only 9° this morning – the first really cold day we have had. I sat and watched the telephone all evening but the doctor did not call. I was so anxious I could hardly do anything but wait for it to ring.

 

December 23, 1953

The dr. called this morning – or rather I called him. The tests showed that her kidneys are breaking down – too much albumen lost. This is the end, tho it may take some more time. She has no hair, is happy, smiles and tries to joke. It is enough to break one’s heart to see her so unaware. Still cold, but bright & lovely.

 

December 24, 1953

Clear & crisp. Mother still unchanged. I am getting a little out of control. I never can keep the tears back when I go to see her. (She can’t see enough to notice.) Now I’m getting so I cry whenever I am alone and not working – rather maudlin, in fact. I can’t seem to help it. When I am with people I am O.K.

 

December 25, 1953

Got thru the day better than I expected. Worked around the house this forenoon. Ate a wonderful Xmas [Christmas] dinner with the Hammonds. (Miss Sloss and Eula Morris other guests.) Enjoyed the visit, then went to see my mother about 2:30. Found her unchanged. Spent evening reading. This evening my poor heart broken. Esther called. Beautiful weather – sunny, bright.

 

December 26, 1953

I knew I’d have to do it but have been dreading it. Today I did – wrote my mother’s obituary. It will be needed and perhaps I won’t be able to write it. She didn’t know me today or yesterday. Beautiful weather.

 

December 27, 1953

I taught the few S.S. students – only 3 there. Went to the Presby. church. (Went to our 9 o’clock service & found there was none.) Burton Halsted called from K.C.  – said he & Dorine would come when I need them. How grateful I am Mother knew me today – curled her poor old fingers around mine. The swelling is in her body now. Went to Francis Low’s wedding this P.M. – groom named Chilson. She was lovely. Beautiful weather.

 

December 28, 1953

Still there is no change in her. When I got home from seeing her I started getting the clothes she will need ready. Ironed her slip (washed it yesterday) and put other things in a box. I am working at the library as usual. Beautiful weather.

 

December 29, 1953

Bright beautiful day – turning cold this evening. I called Mrs. Adams and ordered Venetian blinds for the house. Should have done it sooner. Didn’t think of it.

 

December 30, 1953

Not so cold – bright & crisp. Mother didn’t know me at first but did before I left. Mr. Berry went to the hospital – ruptured himself a couple of weeks ago. I took dinner with the Hammonds. Alice Carlson, Mrs. Bovard, Grace Spivy other guests. Fine occasion but I’m too tired.

 

December 31, 1953

Mother has surprising vitality. Her own system managed to throw off that excess liquid thru her kidneys & the terrible bloating has gone down. The dr. is amazed at her resistance, says the bloating will come back, but she might live for months yet. I am as happy though it was good news for her to live on. Beautiful bright day.